How do I tell you everything that I’m not even sure about? I want to tell you everything, but I don’t know what that is yet or if there is anything to even tell yet. Can we just not talk about it? Pretend its perfect till you leave?
Soo your response to the issue is to completely ignore it and give me the silent treatment? Thats… awesome. Trying to just ignore how you make me feel like shit everytime I have a guy friend is taking too damn much out of me. I get jealous too but you don’t see me questioning you about every girl you talk to, and I’ve thought about it. I didn’t even say anything about your wallpaper still being your ex, but I still get the third degree? Ugh. I’m just tired ya know? I’m not leaving, because I’m me. That’s what I do. I stay through shit even when everyone around me tells me to leave. I keep fighting. I really wish you would make this easier on me though. I just don’t fucking know what to do anymore. Some days you make me want to be better and other days you make me feel like I can’t do anything right. I don’t know how many times I have said I’m sorry! Fuck! I’m tired of being the one holding things in and being the bad guy. I keep a smile on my face because I don’t see the point in telling you how hurt I get, or what I’m thinking and how I feel, and you’re leaving. What’s the fucking point of knowing how many girls you talk to, or if you still talk to and love your ex, if you’re leaving in less than a month? I just want to make memories. Good ones. But I’m walking on egg shells trying to make sure you’re not pissed all the damn time! I haven’t been with anyone else but you refuse to believe me. So what now? Should we just blow this last month? Give up? Are you done with me? Please let me know now to stop falling in love with you. Tell me before this shit goes any deeper because I’m tired of feeling like this. I gave up on having anything serious in high school because of this feeling. This is why I gave up! Just like with my mother… nothing I do will ever be enough or right. Also, if you’ve classified me as a liar then why are you still with me?! If you refuse to forgive me and believe anything I say then why are you still dealing with me?! Are you sure you love me? How do you love someone you can’t trust?
I didn’t show you my tumblr not because I have something to hide or I don’t trust you, but because its the more in depth in my head version of things we’ve gone through. You shouldn’t know what my mind goes through when my insecurities and fears kick in. I love you and I’m with you. Trust that. There’s nothing else to know. Please. Just leave my thoughts alone. Learn to trust me.
Why do you have to be so damn amazing?! How am I supposed to be okay with you moving when you are being this damn amazing?! Stop… being amazing! Fuuuuu! It’s just gonna hurt worse when you go. I’m falling for you and it sucks so bad!
I told my friend everything my ex was doing lately just because I thought he was being weird and funny. To my surprise she said “Will he just admit he’s in love with you already and stop being scared?!”
I don’t know how I feel about that…
I swear I don’t know what I’m doing with my love life…
I wish I could go back in time to the day that we met and get to know you all over again. Then I could experience our first kiss all over again. And the first time you held me. And the first time you said you loved me. And all the sweet things you would say. They’re fading now. You swear you love me but I feel in my heart that everything has changed between us. I miss the old us. Nothing feels new and special anymore and I know it feels like we’ve been together for a long time but the truth is we haven’t. We’ve gone through so much in a short time. And I think it wore us out. Now you don’t try anymore and I’m not sure if I should try anymore. Stop telling me you love me with words and show me with action, please, before you lose me, and we lose what we used to be.